you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
