On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
