Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
