I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
