He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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