I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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