Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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