these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
