My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i love accidental penises.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
