Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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