She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
