And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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