Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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