I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
