Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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