i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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