One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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