So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
