i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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