Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
