wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
