I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
