Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
