at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
