Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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