i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
