just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
