We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
