But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
