you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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