The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
