Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
