i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
