But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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