I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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