Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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