That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
