i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
