my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
