I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
