Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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