Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
