You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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