those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
