He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
