I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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