So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
