Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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