My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
