she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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