I'm going to jail i love you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
