Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
