this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
