Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up under a house in Key West
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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