Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
