He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
