We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
