I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize