Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Congratulations! We have a period
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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