He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
