i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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