They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
