Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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