im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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