I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
