I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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