I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
