He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
smell my finger.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
