In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
