OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
