Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
