So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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