actually, I'm a sock model
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
