so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
