so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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