I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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