I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am available for nakedness
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
