whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i think my cat just said my name.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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