He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
