My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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