About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
