but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize