also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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