who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
